Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
