Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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