I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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