At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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