I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
