I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
