She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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