I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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