i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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