Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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