When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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