i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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