Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
