like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
