Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
