I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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