i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
