Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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