If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
