I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
