just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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