My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
