i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
