There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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