He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
