I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
