just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
