my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
