Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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