well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
