shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
