I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
smell my finger.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
