You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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