Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
