You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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