I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he fucked my hip out of place.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
