There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
