My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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