Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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