I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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