i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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