So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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