Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
