loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
