he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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