You just made me feel so damn special
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
