My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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