She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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