i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
