so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
