I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
