I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
