Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
